So I promised myself to get back on track with clean eating towards the end of summer, but that honestly hasn't been going well for me. And I seem like such a two-faced person right now, but despite posting pictures of healthy recipes on my Instagram feed, behind the scenes it's been so tough for me to handle my eating disorder and NOT eat everything in sight. This disorder has gotten the best of me, and I can see the results of fat rapidly accumulating in places on my body that I thought were not possible. And it's making more depressed than ever. But I've been picking up on my QT's (Quiet Times) lately, and God reminded me in James 1: 6-8 to ask for His guidance, for His wisdom, and for His help to assist me during this difficult time. I feel sluggish, bloated, fat, and my self-esteem has been at an all time low. But when I look to my Father who constantly reminds me that I'm still beautiful in His eyes, He gives me hope.
I weigh the most I've ever weighed before... But it gives me more motivation to shed off that fat and to get back in shape. I don't want to be the underweight, anemic girl I was in sophomore year, but this year, I want to be fit, lean, and healthy.
So starting tomorrow I'm going to be more responsible with what I do. I'm going to write down the foods I eat, the exercises I do, and hopefully I'll be able to see results!
Again, I apologize for not being consistent with myself. This journey is hard, harder than I thought, but I'm not going to give up. I'm doing this for my body, and I'm going to treat my body right. Which means no more processed foods or anything that's harmful to it! :)
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