Day 1/30

Day 1/30 that begins my journey toward healthy eating.  I know a lot of people view me as the "health freak" who always eats salads, never eats junk food, etc. etc. I just wanted to clear things up by confessing that I'm not the healthiest eater. During the summer, I realized how I was depriving my body of food that it needed: During school, I hardly ate (I ate fruit for dinner, which may work for some people, but for me, I was going on starvation mode) and I overexercised.  I found myself to be constantly tired and lethargic, and there were few instances where I almost passed out when walking to class.  The circumstances were becoming frightening, but I refused to listen to my body and worked out even harder without replenishing myself with nutrients.  I shut myself in my room almost every day, and I refused to eat out with my friends because I was afraid that if I strayed from my regular routine, the food that I ate would make me gain 10 pounds, and I did not want to face that.

However, when I did eat out, or when I was confronted with foods like pasta, burgers, and especially sweets (cookies, brownies, etc.), I literally became this mindless eating monster (okay.. Maybe monster is too dramatic of a term to describe this situation). I ate everything in sight and more, and I stuffed myself to the point where I almost threw up.  I was depriving my body so much of food, any kind of food for that matter, that when I was exposed to foods other than salad and fruit, I HAD to eat everything in sight.  And when I overstuffed myself, I began to hate my body and I would reprimand myself for going too far. The next day, I would spend almost three hours at the gym constantly working out and I would refrain myself from eating more than a small bowl of salad and fruit.  This process of binging and overexercising became a part of me, and I was no longer pursuing that healthy lifestyle.  Instead, I just wanted to be skinny. I became underweight and anemic, and my parents and surrounding people were seriously concerned about me.

This summer, I stayed home and constantly snacked on everything. I did a lot of research and found out that I had a binge eating disorder. I would mindlessly snack for three hours straight, eating 20 chocolate chip cookies each with a heaping scoop of Nutella on top, then I would eat three ice cream sandwiches, and STILL not full, I would grab a bag of chips and eat two granola bars after that. Even when my stomach was full, my mind told me to keep eating until I felt like throwing up, and that's exactly what I did. I hated myself for constantly falling into this trap, but I felt like I had no self-control.  Soon enough, I gained back all the weight I had lost, and more. I looked in the mirror every day and detested what I saw. I felt gross both inside and out, and I hated the lifestyle I was living. I wanted to change; I wanted to finally see what living healthy meant, but I couldn't seem to get out of this routine of binge eating.

Finally, I came across some bloggers who have gone through similar experiences and who have conquered their urges in eating everything in sight. Their stories of recovery became my motivation and strive to push myself to improve my lifestyle because if they can do it, then so can I.

Today marks the first day of me taking a step into that healthy lifestyle.  It's not going to be easy, I KNOW that.  But I'm never one to back down from a challenge.  I've had more downs than ups this past year, but I'm tired of treating my body like crap and feeding it unhealthy food.  I want to treat my body right, and I want to feel good both inside and out.  I'm going to work hard and eat clean, and the results will show. Of course I'll treat myself out because it's all about balance, but moderation and consistency is key.  I'll be blogging about what I ate and some new recipes that I try that I want to share for those who are interested!

I'm actually really excited to begin this new journey because I know that I won't regret making this decision :)

Breakfast (eyeballed everything):

One banana (sliced) . Blueberries . Greek yogurt . 5 almonds . Small handful of cacao nibs  

Lunch:

1/2 Low carb La Tortilla Factory . Greek yogurt . Cottage cheese Mixed green salad . 4 yellow cherry tomatoes . Smoked salmon . Mashed avocados (seasoned with salt and pepper) . Egg .

Dinner (not pictured):

Spaghetti squash . No salt added marinara sauce . Ground turkey . 

Snacks:

1 Mango with cinnamon

(Not pictured): Cantaloupe . 5 almonds . 1/2 sweet potato